Maiju’s Teacup 28.2.2018 – Smug

Yesterday I wrote the ending to my novel. And then I gathered my things, sent the cat to my mum’s and went early to bed. The coach to Helsinki left at 6 a.m. and I’m halfway there.

I couldn’t sleep even though it was still dark when we left Vaasa. I watched how the sky turned from black to blue, then green and finally yellow.  It’s probably (hopefully) the coldest day of the winter. It’s -28C out (approximately 18F for those unable or too lazy to convert). Even the driver keeps cracking jokes about it in his announcements. He’s a chatty chap…

Now the sun is higher already but the air is hazy and there was a frosty fog over the fields and between the clumps of trees at sunrise. I would describe it to you in more detail, but unfortunately the English language lacks expressions to describe the Finnish winter scenery. We have way more words for snow and frost than English does.

That’s not what I’m smug about, though. (Though actually I am pleased about it.)

Yesterday was such a pivotal moment for me.  And don’t get me wrong, I know there’s so much work ahead. Rewriting and rethinking and reorganising. Adding bits and removing others. After I finish bloggin, I’m going to start doing that. But the story of Aino is now an entirety.

Last year when I wrote the first half of the book and actually imagined I could stop there, I felt a similar joy. But this time I know I’ve tied all the knots. There are some openings there for the story to continue, if I ever want to do that. Last year I was aware that I would have to write a sequel. But now that it’s jst the first part of this novel, it works so much better.

I keep thinking about all these years I’ve worked on the story. Straying occasionally towards dead ends, discarding tens of thousands of words. Sometimes writing something else completely. Sometimes not writing at all. And I feel this moment of happiness is deserved.

Happy. That’s what I probably am, not smug. I don’t think anyone else could have written this book, but just because no one else would have wanted to. I think the story ended up being much better than I ever dreamed. I kept tripping on piles of planks at the end there and I finished the book with a laugh and a cry.

I don’t know what happens next. I actually don’t. I’m going to visit my brother and his fiancee in Tallinn now for 5 days, but I’m not sure even how I’m going to get from the coach to the docks. I have checked out one teashop in Tallinn, but that’s the grand total of my preparation for this trip. I meant to dod more, but… book… writing…

On Monday I’m supposed to start again at the store where I was a cashier at Yuletide. But they aren’t answering my messages now and there’s some kind of strike going on there, which might affect the whole thing. If I won’t get the job, I’m planning to visit my dad who left for our cabin in Lapland this morning. And then I have to figure out something, because I have enough money for rent in April, but then I’m out.

But I don’t mind. At this very moment I can’t be bothered to stress about it. I’ve always preferred teetering on the edge to settling in the middle. It’s more interesting.



**no tea photo today bc I  did take a thermos of tea and drank it but trying to take a photo would probably have made me spill most of it


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