Slightly sleepless

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What is the definition of a romantic?

I find it interesting, though not in the desperate way I’ve seen other millennials try to fit themselves in boxes.

I think it’s very cool, to be able to find a definition for yourself and to get other people to understand and acknowledge yourself as a certain type of a/romantic or on the scale of a/sexuality, to find out who you’re attracted to or not, to be acknowledged and represented in media. We, the millennials have a huge head start in this. In being able to be heard around the world even though the mainstream media is oodles behind on this.

So, please treat this post as my attempt to partly define myself, not as criticism towards anyone else. Also, it’s 2:30 am so I’m not sure how coherent I’ll be. Ye have been forewarned!

I’m an analytical person, on the level of words. Especially BIG words like ‘romantic’. Yes, I dug up word etymology and checked terms around it etc. I’m pretty sure I have a chunk of myself defined. Like drawing a line around a spreading pile of sand.

Before the “big reveal” I’d like to say that being a/romantic or a/sexual isn’t very important to me. It’s just a matter that I’ve given more thought to recently since it is being discussed a lot online.

The matter with me  isn’t really who I find myself attracted to romantically, but what.

I’m sitting here in the candle light, a bit disappointed with myself for jotting down this post on my phone, because it breaks the scene. I honestly considered writing this first on paper, but decided against it because I know myself and I never would have got around to typing it up later. I hate typing…

Should I call myself a romanticist rather than a romantic? I’m actually not looking  for a term for myself, so if you have one, don’t feel obliged to define me in a word.

I am “attracted romantically” to scenes, or rather the strong feelings the scenes make me experience. And not just beauty or love, friendship and accord, but hatred, chaos, and yes, even violence. I hasten to add that this does not mean I’d seek any of them out. But I find them fascinating.

Maybe I should just say that I’m interested in humanity and leave off all this talk about romantic attraction. And my own humanity,  because then this definition will include the feelings I experience in nature.

So, why is this then relevant if this isn’t so very important to you,  I hear you (not) ask. It is important in itself, but finding a definition isn’t.

So, go figure (please don’t), I’m going to sleep.

Good night and lots of love,

Maiju

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Darkness

Ooh, that sounded dramatic as a post title but I really cannot think anything more suitable to call tonight’s subject matter.

I live in Finland and the thing most foreigners aren’t quite aware of about Finland is the amount of light and how it affects people.

This is a current issue, because just last weekend we had our first truly dark night since May.

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This is a photo I took only a couple of weeks ago at the darkest moment of the night. It looks much darker than it actually was.

The sun does go down where I live, every night, even at Midsummer,  but it just slides a little under the horizon so that the sky remains clear blue.

So now, from the end of August to mid October it’s going to be nice and almost balanced. After the Autumn Equinox the nights will keep getting longer than the days and I will wish I could stuff myself with berries and sleep until the Spring like a bear.

I do take additional vitamin D and use a wake up light and a bright light, but there’s no cure for darkness. The most unbearable time is from the beginning of November till Yule. There’s only a little light during the days and if I work a normal day shift, I won’t see any of it.

Around Yuletide we usually get some snow which makes everything more light again.

Every year I worry about yhe darkness. It’s sometimes so overwhelmingly exhausting.

Well, there’s still time to enjoy the Autumn light. The first leaves have turned yellow.

Love,

Maiju